esther m palmer

when ideas leave us

Friday I spent most of my day propped up on bolsters or pillows of one kind or another. I woke up with a cold, so I cancelled my two evening appointments and hunkered down into rest and recuperate mode. When I'm sick, I generally still can't sleep during the day, and so I watch movies (I love movies!), and that's pretty much been how I rest since I was a kid. This cold season, I ventured off my couch, successfully managed two *awesome* immune-system-boosting naps (one for each cold I've had) and discovered that there is nothing like supta badda konasana*, aka goddess pose, aka restorative bliss pose, for keeping the chest clear and helping to move the cold along quickly. That and regular doses of some symptom-banishing drink (warm water with fresh lemon, raw honey, and cayenne is my drink of choice). And maybe a movie and a comic book or two... cuz they're just part of the process of feeling well enough to heal!

As my body took in more rest over the weekend, my brain felt better, and consequently, started to move. In my head, new ideas and solutions and witty things to write here kept popping up - complete with splendid gift wrapping! I was resting so well... that now I can't remember a single thought. Argh! Double argh. I have such a hard time hanging on to my thoughts (unless of course they're consuming me). This might be because I don't stop to write things down (a little hard in restorative poses and naps, but in general I'm bad at taking notes). I always tell myself I'll remember the really important stuff (I usually don't) or that it's in there somewhere and will come out in one way or another (I'm not sure that it does).

A few years ago, this forgetting would have made me feel small - because I would have thought I should be able to remember my ideas long enough to transfer them to paper. Today, it gives me another opportunity to think, "oh well" and move on without regret. There are other things to write about, other experiences to have, and more importantly, in those moments that my head was clear and my ideas were with me, I was content and happy. Trying to hold on to that doesn't make me happy. Moving on to new ideas can... and usually does.

It can be a little scary, letting go of the moment everything clicks or makes sense or feels right, especially if the promise of more of that feeling is part of what you've got in your head. That's normal. Holding on because the fear doesn't let you move forward, doesn't let you think up new ideas, create new moments, live however you're gonna live, that's also pretty natural, as instincts go, but it's also a little crazy. It keeps you stuck (it does me, anyhow). Ideas need action to move on from a dream state. We all need action to move on from a dream state (if we didn't we could sleep all day). Moving is living, and if you look at it just right, it's living without attachment. And that's when you're really free to think and move just as you like, just as you are, right now.

So, rest while you're sick, but otherwise, move... like you were dreaming it.

om shanti, om tat sat!

ps. what get's you moving? lemme know in the comments below (mayhap you'll spark an movement idea for someone else).

* Supta Badda Konasana... delightful restorative pose!

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